Faith

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Faith: 'The substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen'.

When I was 20 years old, I became unsettled. It started as a slow bubbling of discontent within me that churned away like an un-erupted volcano. I was at University just finishing my second year of my degree, I had every opportunity in front of me, the world at my feet. But it just didn't feel like enough. I felt I just couldn't see the point. I couldn't see the point in anything. This wasn't just a seasonal dip in mood, it wasn't a lack of direction, it was a soul searching that wouldn't leave me alone, one that kept me awake at night. 

During a family holiday in Portugal that summer I stood in the middle of a market square and just cried, really sobbed, overwhelmed by something but not sure what. When my Aunty asked me what on earth was wrong, I simply replied, "I don't know, but I think it has something to do with God".  The drawing feeling and the pull towards 'something' - something higher, something so much more important than myself, was magnetic. I now know, God wanted my attention, but at the time the soul searching was confusing, that need for 'something' to fill the void was acute. 

There's so much more to this story, so much more detail that led me on my journey to discovering God, its too much to put into this blog. But it led me to a change in my life bigger than anything I've experienced since. You see, when you have an encounter with God, it's impossible to come out of it unchanged. It's like discovering a new land with all the possibilities and potential untapped. It's the very first page of a book - your biography of faith. 

Many people struggle with the concept of faith in God, some say without evidence such a faith is baseless, pointless, and all in the mind. This thinking is seemingly enhanced by the counter evidence that "if there was a God why would there be so many bad things happening in the world?". To answer this I would have to refer to the Bible - the handbook to my faith. You see, it says that faith doesn't rest in human wisdom, but it rests on God's power. This faith thing, is far beyond human understanding, if we try to make logical sense of it we will always fail. The Bible says (and I paraphrase) if we trust in our own understanding of things we will come to a dead end. The mind of God is so much further beyond anything we can understand. In order to, we need a little help - supernatural help. 

When I stood in that Portuguese market place at 20 years old, it wasn't logic I was encountering, it didn't make sense, but it was more real than anything I'd ever experienced in my entire life. It was spiritual, to be specific, it was God's spirit connecting with mine and taking away the blindness from my eyes. This blindness is there even though we aren't aware of it. It's like an invisible veil that when God removes it, reveals a new way, a new world, a new life - it reveals himself. It was time for me at that moment to step forward, to enter into it and to acknowledge it.
The specifics and chronology of what followed were complex but I will just say that in answering that call, in acknowledging the draw, I have since lived a life with an absolute knowledge and belief that God exists. Because of this, I don't need those complex answers, God's wisdom and peace live inside my heart, it's not always logical, it doesn't always make sense, but when God's spirit connects with yours, those things just don't matter anymore. As I move forward and with the world in an ever confusing and (some days) frightening state, I have to be mindful. Mindful to check in with God, mindful to keep trusting him and mindful to keep my faith. 


Comments

  1. Victoria ToolanSeptember 15, 2020 at 8:19 AM

    I love this. I love hearing about people's encounters with God - what drew them in and what got them to take that leap of faith. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jenny HutchinsonSeptember 15, 2020 at 9:35 PM

      Thank you so much. Everyone's story is so different isn't it. X

      Delete

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